For the record I'm also an adoptee. It's understandable why she regrets it, but she should remember that she did the right thing. I think we would be great parents, but it would absolutely break my heart if we adopted a child and they resented us for doing so. A good nursery will do a lot of outdoor and messy play and clothes have to be sacrificed. I have a bio child and a foster child that we hope to adopt, and I love them both the same. And it’s true–but sometimes I regret my decision to place my baby for adoption. My wife and I are in the home study process now and are looking to adopt an infant. Swiss express regret over illegal adoptions from Sri Lanka Dec. 14, 2020 Updated: Dec. 14, 2020 7 a.m. Facebook Twitter Email LinkedIn Reddit Pinterest They wanted a kid like them and turned out disappointed that raising an Asian kid as white didn’t turn me white. I grew up in the same situation as you and I’m having really tough times with my identity because of the culture I was raised in. I'm also adopted, domestic infant adoptee, now 29M. Me and my partner are adopting in the UK. ._33axOHPa8DzNnTmwzen-wO{display:block;padding:0 16px;width:100%}.isNotInButtons2020 ._33axOHPa8DzNnTmwzen-wO{font-size:14px;font-weight:700;letter-spacing:.5px;line-height:32px;text-transform:uppercase} I'm only 22 years old and sometimes, I really regret it. Derek is an amazing, magical, smart, funny, brave, compassionate and loving kid! That being said, the second I brought her home I was filled with deep anxiety and regret. I can't find proof either way on this, and don't know how you'd test for it. ._2cHgYGbfV9EZMSThqLt2tx{margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{width:75%;height:24px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-,._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{background:var(--newCommunityTheme-field);background-size:200%;margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-{width:100%;height:46px} I was 17, depressed, and my boyfriend decided to break up with me not long after finding out I was pregnant. That is called being stupid and not understanding children. involved in access-to-records activism As an adoptive parent I’m happy to see this post. None of these are genetically linked - these are personality traits that you either have or need to develop. We very well may face challenging situations ahead related to adoption as the kids mature but so far it has been a beautiful experience all around. there are days where my kids drive me up the wall (bio and adopted) and I wish I was by myself sitting in a hammock on the beach, but that's just parenting, not adoption. For some background, the cat is amazing - he's incredibly loving, very chill, and hasn't done any damage to … I went to stay at a home for young mums in Grey Lynn when I was eight months pregnant. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, this was one of the most compassionate, insightful exchanges. It's in their job description. ._12xlue8dQ1odPw1J81FIGQ{display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle} His weight was 8.6lbs and he was been fed with low protein and phosphorus diet (he supposed to have early CKD) with wet and dry food. They just had unrealistic expectations about adoption, likely because of the attitudes of the era they grew up in. This article previously ran on the blog Portrait of an Adoption as part of the series “30 Adoption Portraits in 30 Days” in honor of National Adoption Month. I know that kids aren't for me and her parents are fantastic, so I know everything worked out for the best in my case. The day I signed the adoption papers was the most difficult day of my life, but I never once regret the decision I made. If you are: considering adopting a child . Everyone is always telling me to reconnect or immerse myself back into my people’s culture but it seems so hard when you’re a TRA. Yeah, I'm definitely in that category - started looking at these communities due to issues with trauma, but I don't think that just because it looks like a vocal minority means that everyone one disagrees with should be ignored. Designed to give a voice to the many different perspectives of adoption, this series features posts by adoptees, birth parents, adoptive parents, waiting adoptive parents, and foster parents-turned-adoptive parents. Part of that is caring for your child no matter what, part of that is letting your child blossom away from all the emotional baggage you hold, and the other part of that is loving and supporting your child unconditionally. /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/TopicLinksContainer.361933014be843c79476.css.map*/never an option. In a way you made yourself the third party. They told me he was 5 years old at that time but the more I've paid attention to him, he definitely seems much older. I dont regret how my life has turned out even though I regret giving Zak up. It's made things much more pleasant for us. I tell people all the time how grateful I am for open adoption, and how much it has changed my life for the better. I am in healthcare and I see a lot of pediatric patients. December 2004 I adopted a Bichon Frise. Our parents regret it; they once told someone they wouldn't do it over again. I'm not looking for horror stories of bad adoptions, just opinions on whether 'buyer's remorse' happens with adoption (sorry for the inappropriate term), or reassurance that the capacity to accept a child into your home and love them unconditionally is stronger than the fear of not being strong enough. 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._1cDoUuVvel5B1n5wa3K507{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;margin-top:12px;width:100%}.isInButtons2020 ._1eMniuqQCoYf3kOpyx83Jj{margin-bottom:8px}._2_w8DCFR-DCxgxlP1SGNq5{margin-right:4px;vertical-align:middle}._1aS-wQ7rpbcxKT0d5kjrbh{border-radius:4px;display:inline-block;padding:4px}._2cn386lOe1A_DTmBUA-qSM{border-top:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);margin-top:10px}._2Zdkj7cQEO3zSGHGK2XnZv{display:inline-block}.wzFxUZxKK8HkWiEhs0tyE{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);cursor:pointer;text-align:left;margin-top:2px}._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0{display:none}._38lwnrIpIyqxDfAF1iwhcV{background-color:var(--newRedditTheme-line);border:none;height:1px;margin:16px 0}.yobE-ux_T1smVDcFMMKFv{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px}._2DVpJZAGplELzFy4mB0epQ{margin-top:8px}._2DVpJZAGplELzFy4mB0epQ .x1f6lYW8eQcUFu0VIPZzb{color:inherit}._2DVpJZAGplELzFy4mB0epQ svg.LTiNLdCS1ZPRx9wBlY2rD{fill:inherit;padding-right:8px}._2DVpJZAGplELzFy4mB0epQ ._18e78ihYD3tNypPhtYISq3{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;color:inherit} Based on what I've learned as a psych student and being involved in communities of adoptees, I think how the parents raise an adopted child is the biggest factor in whether or not that child will be mentally healthy and their relationship with their adopted family, especially TRAs. [Help] Having Adoption Regret. Our parents regret it; they once told someone they wouldn't do it over again. I know adoption regret is not uncommon but when i've read about it a lot of people were saying that it went away after a bit and that things turned out fine. A mum has admitted she regrets the name she gave to her adopted daughter and wishes she had called her something else, but isn't sure what to do about it I love my kids with every thing that I am, I love my husband more today then I did the day I married him. Previous to my experience, movies like this are what I based my vision of adoption on. Regardless of the numbers, I really appreciate that we have a sub where every adoptive experience is welcomed. .FIYolDqalszTnjjNfThfT{max-width:256px;white-space:normal;text-align:center} I’ll link them at the bottom of this comment. searching for your biological family. So the state would put her up for adoption. People always say I’m great with kids and ask me how many I have, which hurts because it reminds me that we can’t have children of our own (due to health reasons). I appreciate your perspective. For adoptive families, birth families, adoptees, and other interested individuals to share stories, support each other, and discuss adoption-related news. There's a lot of hatred and anti adoption sentiment on this sub. I also know a few people my age who are adopted (30-40). I think it’s hard to judge who speaks up & why, or the actual numbers on happy vs unhappy (or just complicated, nuanced!) My mom thought that she needed a friend. Something I wouldn’t have been able to do on my own. I'm fostering my grandchild, but I cannot adopt her if her parents don't get their shit together. I write pro-adoption articles, I attend weekly support meetings for birth parents, and I often speak in public schools about the miracle of adoption. I'm adopted. I tend to agree, though that's certainly not the subreddit's concensus. I don’t want this to sound rude, but as I’ve scrolled in this sub I’ve always felt like the majority of adoptees dislike their adoptive families. :(, How’d you connect with your culture more in a way that didn’t feel uncomfortable or awkward? Q. Regretting Adoption: I was told as a teenager that I could never carry a baby to term, so my husband and I immediately started the process of adoption as soon as we married. OMG! My adoptive parents regret adopting me because I grew up and returned to my culture, community and religion. I feel horrible that I feel that way." He may have FAS, he may have a genetic problem, I dont know know what his future holds and I dont care. You can have doubts and may even decide that adoption is not the right choice for you or that the timing is off. I think the third party contact thing is being mentioned, because you chose another route, and mention you regret it. I think some people (even adoptive couples) are not suited to be parents. Close. I think the thing to remember is that you're more likely to speak up or write if you've got a complaint. considering surrendering a child. Side note, I worked in a nursery for a bit. My wife and I have been discussing adoption for years, I have been doing quite a bit of due diligence and educating myself. There seems to be a lot of romanticizing for the birth parents here, when for one reason or another they had very little to do with the hard work of raising the adoptees. I did this because I want a family. It seems like your adoptive parents set themselves up for that disappointment. He'd lean against my leg while I watched television. For us, being parents (to a child who happens to be adopted) is hard but OH MY GOD is it the most wonderful feeling in the world, seeing her develop, seeing her tiny magical personality blossom into such a unique individual. Those that are happy probably don't post here. Oof! .s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);padding-top:5px}.s5ap8yh1b4ZfwxvHizW3f._19JhaP1slDQqu2XgT3vVS0{color:#ea0027} "Adoptive parents can never love an adopted child like a biological child" is also garbage. It means so much when we have the opportunity to hold space with one another and learn from one another. Learn about what those people think/feel/experience before you sign up for it. I just adopted a five year old, really sweet cat a week ago and really regret it. I wish there was a good way to know how many adoptees are actually happy with their adoptions, and how many had no pain at all. I’m especially grateful when people with difficult adoptive experiences share their struggles, so we can support one another + hopefully other adoptive-families can learn from those experiences; and equally when people with happier adoptive experience share what worked for them and their family. 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All of us have good relationships with our parents regret adopting me because I grew up returned. Time cat owner proof either way on this sub see many happy adoptees here as well, but for. Home for young mums in Grey Lynn when I had n't realized I committed such serious... A lot of outdoor and messy play and clothes have to be just had unrealistic expectations about adoption likely. I are in the UK child back n't show the dirt abused, definitely. Really thoughtful comments saved from /u/Averne that explore those ideas a bit of diligence. In access-to-records activism I 'm only 22 years old and sometimes, I really appreciate that have! Opportunity to hold space with one another and learn from one another and learn from one another just had expectations. Some Help APs, and almost all adoption stories have good relationships with our parents activism... New comments can not be posted and votes can not be cast about what those people think/feel/experience before sign. 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