Carolyn Hax: My fiance casually mentioned that his sister doesn’t like me anymore Plus, gay man wonders if it’s a great personal achievement to not care what other people think about him. I don't think that I bug her too much, but I don't know. Then occasionally as adults. FWIW I think my S is a selfish, bossy neurotic. You can care about someone but not be close. It is to the point that now I’m 23 and love hugs from her. Being forced to spend time together made me realise something. I’m learning to bite my lip as she is old 🙈. DS’s school to teach abstinence education, Find out what Mumsnet users thought of Echo by Lloyd’s Pharmacy. If you need to keep the connection, then your suggestion of emotionally detaching will work. at the Bitch Eating Crackers thing. Do be careful not to be confrontational or blaming because she'll just get defensive and you won't get anywhere productive. You could try writing to her maybe? Talk widget showing discussions of the day & trending threads, Subscribe to Mumsnet emails direct to your inbox. I don't have my sisters as friends, because I have other friends. And a little child running to his older sibling's bed at night for support is NOT WEIRD. I can't change my basic personality type.And nor can your sister!It would be interesting to see what your sister's version is, 3 sides and all that.It reads to me like your sister has taken on "attack is the best form of defence". I'm the older sister, and when we were little I suspect she found me overbearing and we've fallen into those patterns since. You’re not some snotty, fake friend who obviously was using me. I realised this recently. She is fed up with her antics, especially this last incident where his sister called her out of her name, and acted as if she wanted to fight her. She can whistle. 1. You’re my sister. She's the loser and the idiot. One time you should be mean back see how she likes it:p. Never talk to her again, see how she likes it. She's more successful than me careerwise. And you wanting to sleep with her is weird by itself. This made me cry.. My experience is that you can’t force these things. I wouldn’t go as far as saying I dislike my brother, but the fact of the matter is that we are, and have always been, very different people with very different lives, attitudes and interests. Should I try to speak to her? How to tell someone besides saying hi hello to my family , I have left it and everyone is okay with that ? Youre different people. 1. But I don't want to cause arguments. You’re my ride or die, or supposed to be. Unfortunately though hugging my mom feels forced still and I don’t feel anything when I try to do it. Snow White Doesn't Live Here Anymore. I actually think when my mum dies (hopefully not for many many years) we actually won't keep on touch save the odd like on a Facebook post. Get your answers by asking now. Advice needed ASAP. But the thing is, it's mutual. yea i know how you feel. We were inseparable most of that time, but, all of a sudden, he doesn’t want me around. We used to be super close. She is an honest, trustworthy person and … I speak to my sisters only a handful of times a year, only see them once or twice. But it's become apparent to me that on a day to day level, she doesn't actually like me. But that's not gonna happen any time soon. I have a similar problrm im 14 and shes 15 and i no longer see her apart from in school and still acts like i dont exist. I didn't always bite my lip and we ended up having an argument, but this time I stood my ground and said "look sis, this is what you're doing. I said to her, “You don’t even love me, or at least you don’t act like you do.” And I remember what she said back so clearly. Making boundaries is a response to her behavior, not because you are being a mean bitch (she covers that base).Do not get caught up in what she may be thinking or not thinking (regarding supportiveness, family duty, anything) You don’t know what she is thinking. To feel crap about gender scan? Treat her as an acquaintance, as you say- you are not close. But I know if I tell her to effectively fuck off and leave me alone she'll be hurt and I know I'll regret it. I am a guy and I'm 13 and my sister is 18. If you have any advice on how I can get my sister to like me like she used to, I would be so happy. Sometimes the giveaway that your mother-in-law just doesn't like you is that, to her, you're forgettable. We would do stuff together all the time and I always thought of her as my best friend. Just having conversations seems to piss her off. And probably not so “little” now either.Personal rant alert (sorry) It was an irritant to me that my sister (two years older than I) would always introduce me as her little sister (even after I asked her to say “younger”). She gets very easily offended. I think she thinks I don't notice, and I had trained myself to ignore it. She speaks incredibly rudely to and about everyone. Who was unreasonable. We see one another infrequently, and we are polite to one another, but we aren’t close. this sounds like something i've posted all week. It’s love. So I guess my options are:- tell her what she's doing and that it hurts my feelings. We were a good support for each other when my dad was ill. What would you do?Try and look at it from her point of view. Now, after forty years, I get it too. FWIW I don't introduce her as my little sister. Your sister seemed extremely caring and considerate at first, and why she became like this is odd and repulsive. Say that you would love to be closer but you can't bear the way that the two of you argue so much when you're together. You just have to do the right actions and devote yourself, your mind, soul, and body, to GOD and GOD's service, in whatever form you know..better than wasting time creating hope in a hopeless world. People change over the years, they meet new people try out new things. This is the best way to get rid of this problem. Let it go, you can't change anything but your attitude to it, as they say. Just because she is my sister, doesn’t me I am obliged to accept her into my life. There is no point forcing a relationship - older one and I are very different people and actually actively dislike each other tbh, younger one and I just don't have much time for each other. Sisters are like elephants: If you have a sister, be prepared to have her bring up past wrongs and incidents--even going as far back as elementary school--where she believed (and still believes) you were the guilty one. I'm assuming you're a 'HARDCORE' western white boy, joe shitler. Turning her back on you, leaving the room when you speak is glaringly rude behavior. Another thing that kind of bothers me is she trash talks about me with her friends. It's so, so normal to fall into your childhood patterns of behaviour even as adults. He says most married people hardly ever hang out. The only time she is nice to me is when she asks me to do favors for her, which I always am 100% willing to do, but she never does favors for me and tells me to go away. Tell Him and discuss what you have observed and solve this issue. And I only slept in her bed from when I was 7-10 years old, I don't so it anymore. Imaginary sisters are perfect, but real sisters rarely live up to the ideal. I didn’t understand that. Arapaima it's a great description isn't it, I’m actuslly like this with my DGM I’m very close to her but she is over bearing. She doesn't get how tough parenting can be. One advice I can also give you is that GOD is your everything..your parents never supported you, your sister has turned into garbage you don't need to care for anymore, but GOD will always remain with you and in your support. She no longer gives me hugs, which kind of makes me sad, but I guess it's fine. Don't get me wrong she will be there for me and I will be there for her if needed - but we don't have to like each other.Apart from parents we have nothing in common. I just try to talk to her and spend time with her because I know within the next year or two she will move out and I will barely get to see her. I've become aware, that when I am speaking, she sometimes turns her back and walks away as she doesn't like what I'm saying or the way I'm saying it. It's perfectly possible that you'll find out that your behaviour upsets her just as much. I don’t think she means it. My sister dislikes me mildly and I find her irritating. I suspect she thinks she's the wounded victim in all this, valiantly putting up with me. If she weren’t family, she wouldn’t be someone I would have anything to do with.” Ouch. Now she doesn't anymore, sniff. Basically it says:Bitch Eating CrackersEverything this person does annoys you, even something as simple as eating crackers. 15 Unfortunate Signs Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore. So I always would sleep in her bed after a nightmare and I felt much better and safer. If we were not siblings, we would not be friends. And tbh I'm sick of walking on egg shells now I realise that's what I've been doing for so long. My friends/cousins/family/homies all told me not to bring my gf to the small parties we have cause she’s to quietwhat should I do?Descriptio? The person I admire completely ignores me? This will make it very very hard for your sister to change, even if she recognises some truth in what you are saying (it's interesting that she admitted she realises she doesn't like you having an opinion). Is it true you only make a once in a lifetime best friend? If we were not siblings, we would not be friendsTotally this. Dad Doesn't Love Me. At least this proves that - PEOPLE DO CHANGE, AND CHANGE A LOT. We haven't for years, but I now see that's because I've been ignoring her being arsey to me. Well to be honest, I can't really relate to you, BUT I can relate to your sister. Posted Mar 19, 2015 Now I'm aware of it I can't go back to ignoring it.But if I challenge her, then we argue.What's changed is I realise she doesn't like me, and it hurts. She has not matured out of the "big sister" role. She also doesn't ever want to talk to me like she used to. She will say stuff like "Yeah, he's an idiot" or "He's a loser" when I guess she doesn't know I can hear her, but I can. Join Yahoo Answers and get 100 points today. The pattern that we'd fallen into as young adults was this:- I say something (usually expressing an opinion about something)- Sis would be annoyed at what I've said, then arsey to me- I react in kind- Sis seems totally unaware that she was arsey and reacts as if I've attacked her from nowhereSo, in order to keep the peace, for years now, the pattern has been this:- I express an opinion- Sis is arsey to me- I bite my lip to keep the peaceI've got so used to doing that I'd stopped noticing it happening.But with my father's death to deal with, there were things I did want to voice an opinion about, and I became aware that she basically doesn't like me having opinions. Too bad your parents have neglected you, so they are obviously not a source of help for you at all. Unconditional love towards my mother on my part no longer looks like me accepting her devaluing and abusive actions and regard towards me. I love my sister to death and would do anything for her, but I swear, as a person, I don’t like her. We have different personalities and don't get on. She was always favoring her over me. But I know she does care about me, and she loves my DC. I used to get really bad nightmares and wake up and cry (Yeah, I know I sound like a wimp) and one night she came into my room and told me that I could sleep in her bed whenever I woke up after a nightmare if it would make me feel better. Most things like this never happened. She often feels the need to explain stuff to me that I know about, or how to live my life. You don't feel as enthusiastic to do the things that you used to do and the way you think changes. And if you want it to, you're going to have to suck up how she is - as she is going to have to with you. We don't argue these days though. On the other hand I find it very unusal for a brother to keep telling his sister he loves her. I really hope my kids will get on okay when they grow up. I can't change my basic personality typeBut neither can she? Some siblings just aren't close and there's no point trying to force it. When I was having a problem or I was feeling bad, she'd always be there to solve my problems and make me feel much better. Maybe you should just give her some space; or you could possibly, ask her what kinds of things she's into and find if you have a similar interest that you guys could do together :)? My sister came to visit me in hospital, along with her latest boyfriend. We usually see each other about once every 2 or 3 months and talk on the phone every fortnight to once a month, roughly. Rolled her eyes every time her husband dared to take a breath. Life is much more relaxed now! The reality is that siblings don’t always get on. my sister doesn't really like talking to me either...i'm too white for her. Is it because you see others with good sister relationships, or because you genuinely like her? Sounds to me like she now thinks she has all the answers in "how to be happy and successful" and wants to tell you how to do it. My husband rang me and checked in on me. We have been together for eight years and married for three. Also, she is incredibly sexist, being a girl herself - she would call you a 'weak little girl', implying sexist crap like 'girls' are weak and that 'boys' can't have nightmares and shouldn't want emotional support, etc. And I don't feel like ignoring it any more. I have my days but she softened me up. As a pp said, frame it in a neutral, "I've noticed this interaction pattern between us" kind of a way. I realised this recently. Our parents pretty much neglect us but they have never been bad to us. bitch eating crackers Bitch eating crackers link - hope it works this time. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support. "Oftentimes the dislike is passive-aggressive: exclusion from certain family events, or conveniently forgetting to mention a key aspect of an expectation," licensed marriage and family therapist Michelene M. Wasil, MFT , told me via email. I value raising my children in a warm extended-family environment, but I am finding it harder and harder to be with my sister-in-law. I don't know why she thinks I don't notice - it's obvious to other people too.I am her [https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Bitch%20Eating%20Crackers bitch eating crackers]] (a great phrase another thread here reminded me of). Satelizer is very strict and stern over us and I always felt that she hated me. She also finds it funny to wrestle me, which is kind of fun I guess, but she always wins and doesn't let me up until I tell her that I am a weak little girl. I'm currently NC with my sister for exactly the same reason. You argue with me every time I have an opinion." But the fact that they don't really like us has pretty much made me and my sister really close. I can't change my personality. Thanks for the answers so far, but I promise you me telling her that I love her is nothing sexual... that's really weird and creepy. Just because you share the same parents it doesn't mean you have to be friends. My best friend is like my sister, and her mom is like my other mom, and I get to love and be loved. My sister used to always look after me when we were younger. She just doesn't like me. He tells me the honeymoon is over. I am a guy and I'm 13 and my sister is 18. Where did the myth that bullies have low self-esteem originate? I get this. I live in London with my younger brother, Matthew, my younger sister, Annabell and my older sister, Satelizer. Whether or not you think your sister-in-law is crazy depends a lot on what crazy means for you. Unconditionally loving my mother is only possible when I respect and love myself in the true definition of love. Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. are you patronizing and/or condescending towards herOMG she's patronising to me. If you do decide to confront her be prepared to hear things you might not want to. I've tried to be mindful of that with my own younger sister (who doesn't date yet). So, if you broach the subject, be prepared for the fact that it may well not change anything. And it doesn’t matter because she has never shown you any respect for what you are thinking. We have never fallen out or argued as adults. This, though, slices like a knife to a vital artery in a way because I can’t imagine my life without you in it. Individual dogs have different sleep surface preferences, just like people do. Our best answer is to talk with your husband. The dynamic between you is cast and there's nothing you can do unless there's a drastic change in circumstances for one (or both) of you, like illness or miraculous wealth. I'm not sure I'm really up for that though...Actually what I've done is not be in contact much, but chat sometimes. And to @Joe Muddler - you are probably a repulsive, dirty-minded, ugly person who thinks that an innocent, lovely little brother telling his sister he loves her is 'wrong'. She has joined a group of bad people she thinks are her 'friends', and wants to appear cool in front of them, or is following their vulgar lifestyle, which probably includes insulting younger siblings, etc. Nothing I can do is right. Only downside is I don't see my nieces as much as I'd like to, but they know the situation and that I love 'em, and they'll be old enough soon to choose to spend time with me if they want to. What would you do? Relationship with my mother is not possible when the price that I pay includes sacrificing my human rights, individuality and self-esteem.Today When I complement her it means nothing to her and she just blows it off. It's what I feel like doing right now though. I dont get on well with my sister. I don't like him much, either. I guess just getting older, you sort of grow out of it. We're not that close a family anyway so it's not a huge difference but she probably thinks I haven't been supportive enough since my dad died. It’s not dorky or weird. I don't tell her how to run hers. It was prompted by a comment I left on a friend’s Facebook post about their own mother, sympathizing with the complicated and difficult relationship they have. Taken from the meme, your BEC is that person who you can't stand.Kim: Look at Erica over there reading that book, so annoying.Jules: dude, she's just reading, you just think it's annoying because she's your Bitch Eating Crackers.Kim: yea, but look at her flipping the pages and shit. Like most other marriages, my marriage to Matthew started off great, but it seems like things have quickly been going downhill for the last few years. It's a huge win. Our parents pretty much neglect us but they have never been bad to us. Abby has never read Harry Potter, because she doesn't like to read, unlike her sister Haley who's obsessed. Sometimes she will make fun of me and I will actually cry and she just tells me to stop acting like a little five year old. Why Won’t My Dog Sleep in Bed With Me? We have never fallen out or argued as adults. Nope.Just because you accidentally have the same parents does not mean you have to put up with her shitty treatment towards you. She is effectively telling you to shut up. ... and my dad said he wouldn't spend time with me and won't like me until our house will be clean. 3. She hasn't spoke to me since. But the fact that they don't really like us has pretty much made me and my sister really close. This is the best option for both wife and husband. I was the one doing this for my little sister, I feel so bad, I'd hit her sometimes, now she's changed and barely talks to me about issues, I'm so sorry for what happened, beyond this point, tease her ;(. I've tried to talk to her about it but she always tells me to go away and calls me a big baby when I tell her she can sometimes hurt my feelings. Now after finding Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore, what to do? Your Bed is Too Small. This is page 1 of 2 (This thread has 37 messages.). What have you got to lose? GOD only knows what kind of vulgar cultures and ugly societies and families some people live in that make their minds as shitty as joe muddler's. Live Well Nebraska Ask Amy: My fiancée's mom helped her buy a house and doesn't want me on the deed. Last year our father was very ill, and then died. She doesn't know why his sister doesn't like her. This poem was one I wrote after my dad told me he didn't love me. If your sister never roots for you or calls to say "Congratulations" when … it hurts and sometimes i just can't understand what i did to deserve that kind of treatment. Place the blame for this on the 'way the two of you interact' rather than entirely at her door.But, to be honest, if I were you I'd probably just carry on with your current low contact approach. Still have questions? But some or most teenage girls go through a stage where they think more of boyfriends and her friends and think less or rarely not at all about their family. Sound a lil like incest to me. I still feel protective of her as my little sister, and I don't really want to cut her off. But, she always has something to say, doesn't approve of his marriage to her, and has started arguments with her. My sister doesn't like my boyfriend because he's two years older then me (hes 17 my sister's age and I'm 15). We used to be super close. and while i'd like to say that i'm over it i'm not. I have my friends, boyfriend, children, for my support and relationships.Don't get me wrong, I'd love the Disney version of siblings, but it just doesn't happen all the time. By: Soccer Freak 101. Got fed up walking around on eggshells trying not to 'set her off'.She's a snob. Explain what she's doing and how it affects me? If you asked my sister if she likes me, she'd probably say yes (I think) and she'd say she cares about me. She does, however, tend to wake me up at 3am flopping her fluffy little butt right up next to me as if to say "Ok, NOW you can shower me with cuddles". it pisses me off that i have a family that doesn't want me. But some of the indicators that your sister-in-law is not considerate of your needs include being sent masses of outraged text messages, being asked to take part in gossipy "rumor has it" phone calls, and always wanting to be updated about your business. I found it belittling and just another superiority dig at my expense, validated by her smirk and shimmy nose in the air mannerisms. and she admitted that yes, she is aware she does that sometimes. To use this feature subscribe to Mumsnet Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet. Last year our father was very ill, and then died. If I say something, her default reaction is to argue with it, refute it, prove me wrong. In some cultures, like Indian ones, there is an extremely special relation between sister and brother, and this is actually celebrated in the form of an annual festival. Do You Like Your Sister? At the moment that's more like once every 2 months. I just love her because she's my big sister. We see one another infrequently, and we are polite to one another, but we aren’t close. Of course she doesn't, as her recent contact with you shows. That's fine, as long as we support each other when something inevitably happens to our mother, and don't try and shaft each other then that's all that's needed. WOW!! He gets it. Just because we are family, doesn’t me we have to get along. When Abby gets a letter to Hogwarts, how will she react to losing her sister and being witch? Maybe seeing that you have your own independent LIFE will make her change or will make her stop insulting you, at least. Our parents pretty much neglect us but they have never been bad to us. I just don't know what to do at this point. Honestly I don't think he'll ever pressure me to do anything I wouldn't want to do cause he's so sweet and such a great guy. Your Bed is Too Soft. Its like she wants nothing to do with me. I want my DC to have a good relationship with their aunt. How not to feel disapointed with my friends wife? If we weren't siblings we would have lost touch twenty years ago. How do you think about the answers? I only have her and my mum. I'm sorry that she had to turn around and act this way toward you. she moved out just last August and she never wants to be around me anymore. I think being so distant from a lot of my family maybe gives me a different view. And that's a serious question. I always try to spend time with her hoping she might go back to her old ways, such as I come up and sit with her while she's watching TV, and she always rolls her eyes and acts like I'm not there. She is an adult now. I can't change my basic personality type. So if u ask me u should stop letting her use u for favors and say that she needs to give respect to get it, sorry I'm late but I have the same issue my sister is 13 and is a ***** to me just because I'm different then her and I have some issues. We would do stuff together all the time and I always thought of her as my best friend. Why not say that you have noticed this pattern, you'd like to be closer and see what she says? She hates me now that I have the confidence to stand up to her and calls me anything under the sun for doing so like a stuck record, and I got bored with it long ago. 2. Also, one of my really close friends told me that I should try writing her a letter explaining my feelings to her, but I figure that she will just use that as another thing to make fun of me about... Should I try that? My fiancee would like more time to plan our wedding — and enjoy the process. And a little child running to his older sibling 's bed at night for support is not.. Know what to do with. ” Ouch toxic habits neglect us but have! Friend who obviously was using me it may well not change anything what... Education, find out that your mother-in-law just does n't cheer you on didn ’ t me I a... 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Premium - get first access to new features see fewer ads, and support Mumsnet in with!, which kind of treatment CrackersEverything this person does annoys you, but are you patronizing condescending... I know about, or supposed to be friends, because I 've posted week... As she is old 🙈 back on you, even something as simple as eating crackers link hope... Of course she does that sometimes 's no point trying to force it just like people do,...